Any mother wants what is best for their baby and if you have followed our posts in the past you will know that feeding our baby has been somewhat of a struggle. That struggle has been very personal for me and I have not wanted to share things until I have overcome them at times or at lest until I have overcome some of it. Derrill has been sensitive to my feelings as he has written his blogs and I appreciate it.
So, I know that some of my feeding issues come from when I was a kid and we ran of food on a monthly basis. I made promises to myself back then that only a child thinks that they can keep (ones that do not admit to being imperfect and human). I promised myself that my children would never go hungry and I should have made the adendem and now do of they will never go hungry if I can help it (which consists of prior knowledge).
I have been pretty obsessed with this feeding stuff for Hyrum and along with the move last week, I have had a hard time getting to anything else including this post that I have wanted to write for a couple of weeks. I have decided that having children not only reminds you that you are human, but it also helps you to learn to accept that humanness as you learn how to survive and hopefully enjoy their wonderful presence in life.
Derrill mentioned that we have the feeding things taken care of and that Hyrum is doing well. He is doing well and we have no more reason to panic, but from my stand point (and believe me my husband empathizes) feeding is not optimal yet.
Back when Hyrum was still under 3% weight the doctor asked me to start feeding him every 2 hours again. Nursing at that time was going just fine only he was down to 5 feedings a day and was not waking up at night for a feeding. I figured he would wake up if he needed food and was before that visit feeling good for the first time about the feeding process. After that doctor visit I started waking him and expecting him to eat every two hours. Well, he began refusing to feed again. By this time he was 2 months old and I was still in panic mode or in it again and he had just reverted back to screaming and/or falling asleep at feeding time. My heart just couldn’t take it knowing that after 2 full months he was not getting what he needed and now nothing at all. So I made the decision to quit breastfeeding. It was a tough decision, but when I was in church the next Sunday I felt the spirit very strong that this was the way things were meant to be and I know that I have tried my hardest.
I decided that day that I was going to pump and feed him completely by bottle. I am grateful that so far he has not needed to have formula, but I did have a little glitch in the last month. I was using a pump from Learning Curves called First Years. This pump was not made for a mother pumping all the time for a long time. It lost momemtum and then stopped pumping by half what I was pumping before. I really freaked. I am now back to a rented hospital grade pump from Medela and my milk production is going up again for which I am very grateful, but it takes a few days and I will feel much better once I start making more than he is eating.
One of Hyrum‘s little quirks is that he falls asleep when he is impatient. He will sometimes cry for only a few minutes when he is hungry and then go back to sleep. This made it difficult for me to tell when he was hungry. I have finally figured out that part and if I can’t get right to him I will wake him up to feed him.
I am so grateful that I understand him better now and that he is happy after eating again. I am also grateful that I am able to feed my sweet Hyrum. I don’t know how long I will be able to feed him breast milk in this way, but I will as long as I can. He gained 19 oz in the first week and then 18 oz in the next weeks. The doctor said that his weight gain will even out when he is done catching up. Thank you for all of you prayers and so many here that have helped with our move and since with Hyrum so that I could do unpacking. Pumping and taking care of him sure take a lot of time (sometimes I pump every 45 min for 5 min, and other time every 2 hours for 15), but it is all worth it when he laughs and smiles. He is such a sweet little boy and I am so glad that we have him in our home.